No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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