You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
