Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
