I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
organizing the empties. That sober.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
His nipple licking is glorious
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