I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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