hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
