it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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