yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
