so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
