this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
