Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
