Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
