Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
