I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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