i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
