New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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