If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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