Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
