I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
