Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
