woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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