So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
