it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
