Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
