____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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