he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
