i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
