in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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