Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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