I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
