i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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