I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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