something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
