a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
These tits shall not be calmed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
