Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
