3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
