why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
