he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
