Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
