the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
