I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A+ Viking dick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
