I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
