I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
