i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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