i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
