fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
