We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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