my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
