About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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