Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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