You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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