I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
