Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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