Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
